For the past few days, I had been having a rocky status with my boyfriend - and of course, not good, eh? I was pretending to be happy because I hate it when people get all worried about me when I'm being pessimistic and I would always think I basically just... Bothering them with my bitching and rantings. This is why I made you, dear.
I received a message from him - and it's early in the morning, of course - right now I'm in Nigeria while he's in Malaysia. Basically, one thing that's wrong is that... Well, it was his message. It's like... I fear that I am going to lose him. He admitted that there are so many more beautiful girls than I am, even hot and sexy - that would be obvious of course - come on, look at me, who wants a shrimp?
He told me that he doesn't know why did he even chose me. Na, as for that; I don't know why either. I'm not pretty, nor am I lovely or pleasant to look at, not even my personality is decent. I am indecent for one, really; I have to admit that. Despite how I can be mature at times and also be a good girl - I am not... Decent. Not at all. No one ever admitted if I am.
Other than what he said, he said he needed me. But I can't tell... Either that was the truth... If he needed me for just pleasure... I would need a bucket for throwing up right now. If he really does need me for his life; for him to carry on, then I guess I won't need the bucket for throwing up - but what sickens me is that the fact he looks at others... And really, I am a green-eyed monster.
I am the type that would look/turn away without saying anything when I get jealous, if not that; I'd run away to somewhere alone. I am the loner type - I love being alone when something like this happens even though at the same time I need something/someone to listen to it... A decent blog is all I need in order to get myself together. It won't rant back at me.
See.